Mozzarella Love
by The Purple Cheesies
Summary: A blossoming collection of cheesey love parodies. When love comes around, it may knock you down. But then, you can make fun of it!
1. Just Get Out

**A/N : HEY, Okay, so readers....just so you know...This is a collaborations from the two authors... Silly Soul and TRUsong .... we were bored, and this collection is composed of stupid, funny stuff with a twist of love. Hope you review and check out our profiles to see our other stories. Enjoy. **

**CAUTION: really stupid and funny. But mainly the stupidity. xD**

Just Get Out

"Omigosh," I say to my boyfriend. "My boss is such a…a…cowface!"

He places a hand on his chest and says in a sarcastic expression. "Yes. I can _so _feel your pain."

"She's just…she's…she's a goddamn _bitch_!...You know?!"

He smirks and wraps his arms around my waist. "Do you want me to make you feel better?" He whispers seductively in my ear. We kiss passionately, his hands snake under the hem of my blouse as we fall onto the bed.

_OOF!_

"What the hell was that?" I ask. I start to pull away but he tightens his arms around me.

"Uhm, it was our cat?" He blurts.

"We don't have a cat."

"Our goldfish?"

"Why would a fish go _oof_?" I scoff.

"Our dog?"

I feel my eyes water and mumble, "You killed our dog, remember? Oh, Olga! I _miss _you!"

He makes it completely obvious that something is up when his eyes flick nervously from my face to the side.

"Okay, just tell me- what's under the bed? Do you have like, some other woman hidden under there?" I joke.

"Pssh, fssh,…wh-…psh…_nothing_. No. Pssh. What are you talking about?"

A girl suddenly emerges from under the bed. "Baby, I can't lie under there anymore. It's so freaking stuffy! It's not good for my complexion- I'll look like a prune!" I look her up and down thoroughly and a single word forms in my head- _slut._

All she's wearing is practically a see through cami, and Victoria's Secret underwear. Her lipstick is smudged and her eyes are somewhat puffy. "Who the fuck is this?!" I jump off my so-called _boyfriend _and look at the two.

I don't even give Evan a chance to speak and turn to the little bitch. "You. Get the _fuck _outta my house!"

A weird sound escapes her throat as she firmly nods her head. Her eyes meet Evan's before she runs out of the bedroom.

I hear him sigh, "Look, Abigail…"

I spin on him and smack the palm of my hand across his face. "That was for cheating on me!" I backhand his face again. "That was for not telling me."

He looks me in the eye and I slap him again. "What was that _one _for?!" He yells.

"That was for fun!" I feel the waterworks coming. "You lied to me," I whisper.

"Well actually, I just didn't tell you." He said like it was a matter-of-factly.

The door squeaks open and we both look over to the doorway to find that stupid, motherfuckin' bitch standing there.

"Uhm, yeah, sorry to interrupt but, I forgot…" She started to pull the shoulder part of her cami. I give her one of those _What-the-hell-are-you-talking-about _looks, and she waves her hand in front of her chest.

Oh. Hell. No.

"_Get. Out. NOW!" _I yell. She scrambles out like the little whimp she is and I hear the front door open and shut.

Evan is staring after her and that's when I screech, "You lied! LIED! Get the hell out of here- go rent a freaking room!"

Before I can slap him again, he rushes out of the room and slams the door. I run after him, yelling more obscene remarks and pound on the door. Tears stream down my face and I fall to the floor screaming.

Minutes later, I open the door and look from side to side to check if the coast is clear. I smirk, _what a freaking loser._

"George, you can come out now!" I squeal.


	2. Amnesic Love

**Mozzarella Love**

Chapter Two: Amnesic Love

Bursting into the room, my eyes sweep over his limp body lying hopelessly on the hospital bed and tears begin to gather at my eyes.

"Is…Is he…" my tears fall and I do nothing to stop them, "Is he d-d-dead?"

"No, ma'am, he's just sleeping…Like I've said for the past two hours." The doctor states sarcastically.

"Oh, right…" God, _sorry_. Jeez, I forgot. So my IQ is a double-digit….So what?

I rush over to his bed and hold his familiar warm hand in mine. I don't know when the doctor leaves, but I don't care. All I know is that relief floods through me as I see his eyes finally flutter open, those fierce amber eyes. Eyes that star deep into the depths of my heart. Eyes that….yeah you get the point.

He mumbles something incoherently. "What is it, love?" I coo, smiling oh-so-sweetly.

"Who _are _you? And why the hell are you _holding _my hand?!" He blurts, snatching his hand away. He rubs it soothingly and narrows his eyes at me.

"_What?_ What are you talking about, baby?" I ask, reaching out to take his hand again.

"Who. Are you? What. Do. You. Want? Where am I? Why is the grass green? _Why are the lights so damn bright?!_" Cedric yells.

"Afsh… What…bu…wha…huh? …Vsh…you…wha…you…wha…you…you don't remember me??!" I hyperventilate.

"Uhm, uhm……………er………er…… uh…wait…..wait-oh. OH! Yeah! ...No. No, sorry…? He contemplates.

"Wha…but…but…I love you! I beg of you! Remember! Remember me? Remember Us!! Remember, remember, remember…" I chant, rubbing my temples slowly in circular motions.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember you…everything is so….fuzzy" he says flatly.

"I lost my _virginity _to you!!" I protest.

"He looks me over once and his face turns grim, "Me?! With…with you!? What was I thinking?? Are you _blackmailing_ me??" He scoots the far side of the bed…and falls.

"OW! My _ass_!" He groans. I take the opportunity to step towards him, my hands reach out, tears streaming down my face.

"Get away from me!!" He yells. His eyes blaze as they flicker to the side and he points a finger behind me. "Look! It's that hot werewolf guy over there!"

"What?" I say, spinning around.

He shoves past me and towards the empty doorway. Running down the hallway, he screams, "Help! _Help!!_ There's an insane woman after me, saying that she lost her virginity to me!! I mean, seriously!? How? HELP!!!!"

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**A/N : HELLOOOO, again. So, yah... HOW'D YOU LIKE IT ? Please Review, gawsh. Let's not waste precious time and just click the button below this A/N...and ...R-E-V-I-E-W.. xD Chapter 3 is coming up...hope u stay tuned to read it!**

**-TRUsong , Silly Soul **


	3. Cripple It

**Mozzarella Love**

Chapter 3- Cripple It

It was time to let go.

My hands hold the hummingbird, feeling the quick flutter of its wings. I kiss my fingers and open them, setting the beautiful, symbolic bird, and my love for Ryan free.

Tears streaming down my face, I turn to walk away and see _him_ for the first time in three months, two weeks, four days, seventeen hours, thirty-four minutes and fifty-nine point three seconds. Actually, now it would be…zero.

"Why'd you let her go?" He asks.

The wind is blowing across my face. This is like one of those sappy lovey-dovey chick flicks that I honestly don't like to watch. Anyways, back to my crisis… "Because, because- I couldn't bear holding onto the memories that you and I had shared!" It was as if I could hear the violins playing the sad Titanic theme song in the background.

"But why'd you let the bird go…?" He asks again.

"Because, if you loves something, you have to set it free," I whisper, hoping he'd hear the double meaning in my words.

"But what if I don't want to be set free? I _love _you, Schuyler."

I bite my lip nervously and let the tears roll down my cheeks, "I love you too Ryan!"

I run towards him and he mirrors my movement. We're getting closer. His arms reach out to me- and he completely runs past me. What the hell?!

I pivot around and see him leaping in the air, grasping at something. What the fuck is he doing? No way. Are you _kidding_ me? Are you, fucking _kidding_ me?!! You cannot be serious- he's trying to get the _bird back_??

I stare at him dumbfounded, as he comes back to me, his hands clasped together. "What the fuck are you dong?! God, damn it! You're freaking gonna kill her!!"

"What am _I_ doing? What the shit are _you_ doing?!"

"WHAT?!" What the hell is he talking about? Like, seriously!

"When you fucking love something, you don't fucking let it _go_. You're supposed to cripple the goddamn thing!!"

"W-why..?" I ask, stunned.

"Omigod. So it can't. Get. AWAY!!!"

I can't take this anymore. Without further due, I swivel around and storm away, tears rolling down my wind-blown cheeks. I hate him so freaking much! Hah, to think I loved him.

Out of nowhere (well, actually a little green bush thing) a man in a purple suit with a microphone steps forward and says to me, "eHarmony- you're gonna need it." He wraps an arm around my shoulders and hands me a business card.

"Call me." He says, "Uh, I- I mean the, the… uh, er…the company." But as he walks away from me, he turns back and makes the phone sign with his hand, brings it up to his ear and wiggles his some-what bushy eye-brows at me.

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**A/N - SORRY FOR THE HUGEEE WAIT. TRUST me- school can be such a PAIN. **

**THANK YOU FOR BEING SOOO PATIENT... and continue to read our following drabbles. :) REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS!!!!**

**----- TRUsong & Silly Soul. (Make us proud and REVIEW ! )**


	4. The Babbling Balcony Romance

Mozzarella Love

Chapter Three- The Babbling Balcony Romance

"Oh, it's so pretty up here!" I exclaim running to the balcony rail.

"Holy shit!! It's so fucking _high_ up here!!" Jack shouts from behind me. Aw, he's so cute when he's freaked you…! But it really is beautiful up here.

It's already dark, the night sky is clear. The stars are so stunning, truly getting to shine without the competition of the city lights.

"Hey," Jack says, "you look cold…." It's true, the cream cardigan I'm wearing is totally cute, but doesn't provide much warmth.

Actually, I got it at a sample sale- only thirty-five dollars! Can you believe it?! I mean like, I had it first and then this bitch with a nasally voice comes out of nowhere and says, "Yeah… I saw that first…" So I like freaking ran to the cash register and then I- Wait. Is someone calling my name? Oh, right! Jeez, Jack, how could I have forgotten? Well, you know, clothes before boys…or something along those lines

I turn around from the balcony rail to see Jack holding his leather jacket out to me.

Huh?! What's he doing that for…? OH!! _Oh…_Oh… I get it now…Oh…_Oh…_I'm supposed to…Oh…I see. I'm cold; he takes off jacket…Oh. That makes sense. He wants me to _take it._ Ah, I'm so smart. God, I should've figured…Oh-

"Pssh! I'm not _that_ cold," I blurt…woops…wrong answer…Well, I don't really _regret_ saying that. He's really not _that_ cute…I mean, I could do so much better, but y'know. He's good enough.

Jack drops the hand holding his leather jacket to his side, a disappointed and some- what surprised look upon his face. Suddenly, he throws his hands up in the air.

"Fssh, A- pff, gah, bu-, psh, vsh-," his hands are everywhere, jerking up and down, side-to-side. Like, what?

He's still rambling on, saying words- well not really _words_, more like retarded sounds: psh, vsh, vu, bu-, ah, bsh… I mean some people say _I_ ramble?! Like, _I_ don't ramble- I don't do that! Rambling is going on and on and on and on… Anyways, rambling is when you just don't shut up! Some people though? They can go on forever and ever and EVER- but of course I don't do that.

Then I see him doing flapping movements. Again.

"What are you, _Italian?!" _I mean, don't get me wrong…Italy is awesome, their food is amazing! I can't live without pizza and pasta and OH! This one time, I was like four, and we went to this Italian restaurant, and I swear- like all they had was pizza, and-

"I'm Scottish," he cuts in suddenly.

"What? Then why are you in _France_?" And you don't sound Scottish…where's the cool accent?"

He stares at me like I'm the stupidest person on the planet, for a long time before he finally says, "Omigosh…Just…no. Just no." Then he starts doing those hand motions again, like what is with him and those hand movements? He looks so fucking stupid! Does he even know _how _stupid he looks?! I mean why would he even want- I turn around so he can't see me rolling my eyes. And then I hear it.

Hear _that. _

'_That' _being a scream.

Jack's scream.

The scream coming from Jack. I turn back to him, about why the fuck he was screaming for, only to find that I'm alone on the balcony.

What the friggin' hell?!

I then hear the faint, semi-familiar scream- coming from over the balcony rail…Oh…shit…!

Shitshitshitshitshitshit!!!

I bend over the rail and thrush my hand out, willing him to fly back up. "Come back, Jack! Come back!" I cry.

Tears begin to stream down my face as I clutch at the empty air. The world spins and I slide almost gracefully to the ground

My eyes are beginning to close. From what I can see, the moon looks deformed and the stars shine too brightly, then-

Darkness. Meaning like…nothing. Blankness…black. Ew, black. I don't like black. Black reminds me of fainting. Don't ask me why but it does…Oh, well I guess since all I see is black…Did I _faint_?!

Omigosh…! That is so _weird_. Wait, I blacked out over a guy falling off a balcony? I didn't even like him that much I fainted…Aw! That's so compassionate of me! Well, it makes sense, 'cause I _am_ a compassionate person. Like I'm as compassionate as DAVID SUZUKI! And…Oh wait…or…or am I _dead?_

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A/N: YEAAAAAAAAAH, We know it succksss. -_-*

Sorry for the long wait, but SOMEONE *cough* Silly Soul *cough* - DIDNT FEEL LIKE TYPING IT! GAAAAAAh.

Anyways... Hope you enjoyed it (yeah, not really) ^-^ ... Chappy five will HOPEFULLY be up quicker than this... xD

Lotssa love 3 Silly Soul & TRUsong.

DEDICATED TO: konata1keyblade1kunai :D ( sorry, for dedicating such a crap story to you... -_- (shameful, WE KNOW)


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